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from notes archived at Bishop Museum, Honolulu, Hawai'i |
Category: | Marriage | Topic: | Betrothal(1) | Consultant: | ||
The parents or two members of a family will decide that it is time for a boy in their family to be married. They will look about for suitable wives, and after picking the best will go to her house. They will casually talk with the parents of the girl, who is not present, and finally come to the point of the visit. If the family does not like the boy who has been suggested to them they will say, "There are plenty of better girls and ours is very silly, or not good enough for your fine son", and by this indirect method will flatly refuse. The representatives of the boy will then approach another family immediately and request their daughter, and so on until one is secured. This hurried business is pushed so that the rumor will not precede them that they have been refused by other families. No girl's family would accept a proposal if they knew they were a second choice. If one family accepts, the representatives of the boy will tell what night they will call and ask formally for the girl. Perhaps at this time the two people concerned will hear of the arrangements that have already been made for them. One evening the members of the boy's family will call with the chief upon the members of the girl's family and after presenting a kava root which is prepared they will ask again for the girl. At this time there is also a spokesman for the girl's family. | ||||||
Category: | Marriage | Topic: | Betrothal(2) | Consultant: | ||
A feast is cooked and taken by the father of the boy to the family of the girl. Kava is also brought. This feast is made after the request for the daughter has been privately made and settled upon in a previous night. This feast is called the mo' hani or süf hani. It is the formal announcement of the engagement or betrothal. |
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Category: | Marriage | Topic: | Betrothal(3) | Consultant: | Rosarima | |
A proposal of marriage is first made by the boy's parents to the girl's. Kava is brought and presented to the girl's parents at their house. If the proposal is accepted, there will follow a feast shortly after, given by the boy's family to which the girl's parents will come but not the girl (not clear on this point). After the families have agreed on the marriage the boy comes to the girl and asks her before their parents. The feast, it seems, follows later. As soon as the marriage date is set, each family will have a meeting of its own relations and then the apportioning of gifts is made. The parents dictate or advise this, sometimes the mother will announce what each member is to do or bring, or she will tell some popular or leading member of the family to distribute the duties for her. This is called the tau näe ne su ta or tau ne kau fa te. It is preceded by a feast though this is not usual today. To several persons are allotted the duty of making the necessary feasts that accompany the wedding. When they are all announced, the person allotting the favors will say, "And one more koua", and then assign the koua ne mös te or faksoko. This is the last feast of the day and given the couple before they go to their marriage bed. It must be assigned to the brother of the groom or someone in his immediate family. (This was explained by John Solomon. The person giving this feast must cut the heads of the groom's family and if someone outside the family or not very close did this there might be war. But this does not sound right. Probably because the boy's family is giving blood they only want one of their own members to take it.) |
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Category: | Marriage | Topic: | Betrothal(4) | Consultant: | ||
When a boy's family thinks it time for him to marry they tell him and ask which girls he would like to become his wife. This is a matter of much embarassment to the boy and he takes a long time before mentioning a girl's name. It may take perhaps several hours of talking during which, if there is any mention of love or saying "Do you like this girl or that girl?" or his mother says "He likes Mary so and so", the boy will not give any name because he is ashamed. Finally he mentions a name, but never makes any reference to caring for her. The family immediately goes to the girl's house with kava which they prepare for her family, and then they announce that they would like the daughter for their son's wife. If the girl's family agree, they say "Yes," but if they do not like the boy, they say "Please yourself, you may ask the girl." This means they do not want the boy and the matter is dropped there. The girl is never asked. The boy's family rush home again and ask the son to name another girl whose family is approached with kava etc. This continues until the family secure a fiancée for their son. It is a matter of great shame not to get a girl within the night the first negotiations are started. The family keeps going through the night until a girl has been given. No girl's wishes are ever considered and this is more or less the custom today, which has led to much divorce and separation and living together without marrying. A girl who wished to marry a boy whom her family does not like may run away with him to his home at his proposal, where his family will place her with some of their relations. They will then go to the girl's family and they say, "This girl is with us and wishes to marry our boy." Usually a marriage is secured in this manner. The family does not let the two live together until the parents' consent has been given. |
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